Last month I had a 3-part Parenting Workshop series on Positive Discipline. I LOVE the tools of Positive Discipline and encourage parents everywhere to check out their resources. Click here to visit Positive Discipline You can check out their books here. 
Here is a quick tip to be less frustrated/angry when you follow-through.
Positive Discipline Online Parenting Class
I absolutely love Positive Discipline! Click here to visit Positive Discipline. If you haven’t checked out any of their books or website – do it now! They have the best advice (in my opinion) for how to help behaviors in a way that is kind AND firm at the same time.
Positive Discipline Tool Card about Validating Feelings
Today, I want to share some ideas on how to help a 1-year-old when they are starting to cry or scream about something they don’t like (using Positive Discipline’s “Validate Feelings” tool card. I don’t know about your child, but mine cries often over very small things. If he could talk, he would likely be saying things like, “I don’t want to sit there”, “I hate putting my coat on”, “I don’t want to get in the car”, “I’m not sitting in this high chair”!
Since he can’t talk, he screams or cries. Recently I read something that totally helped me understand this better. Crying is most of the time a form of communication for children 1-2 years old. It doesn’t mean you have to stop what you are asking them to do (unless it’s a cry about physical pain), or give in to their plea for a cookie, etc . Just try to translate what the cry really means into words. So, if he is crying, I stop myself from responding “don’t cry about this,”, because that would be like saying, “Stop telling me you are frustrated with this.”
Instead, seek to hear their cry as a way to communicate frustration and then respond accordingly with empathy and firmness:
“Oh boy. You are frustrated that we are getting shoes on right now. You do not like putting shoes on. I hear that (while child is crying screaming). It’ ok to be frustrated. Take a minute to just be frustrated about that. I’m here. I’ll give you a hug. I don’t like doing things sometimes too.” Meanwhile, I pause the putting-on-shoes process to just connect with a hug, cuddle and soft voice, hoping my calmness can wear off on my child. Usually this works to calm his cries screams within 1-2minutes.
In a moment of screaming 1-2 minutes can feel like FOREVER, but it’s really worth the wait. It’s not that long at all when you think of the lifelong benefit you are giving your child, helping him to feel their feelings are valid and helping them understand and manage their emotions.
Empathy has the power to really take the sting out of most difficult situations. It doesn’t make it perfect. The child isn’t going to smile and say, “Ok. I am completely happy now about getting my shoes on”. BUT, they are more likely to be able to move past the emotion to a level of calmness where you can distract them with something else to focus on and move forward. Once that initial flare-up has died down, I then say something like, “Here. Could you hold my keys and be a helper?” (while then putting the shoes on).
Hope you see great results!
**Disclaimer: Remember, this is not a 1-time fix. This is a tool to use over and over again throughout the tantrums years for better results towards helping your child understand and manage their emotions. Expect to repeat these steps 5-20+ times a day (depending on the day!);-) Would love to help you trouble-shoot if you aren’t seeing it help your 1-year-old’s tantrums.
If your 1-year-old is like mine, they LOVE to be involved with cooking (or anything you are doing in the kitchen)! My Chunky Monkey loves to sweep too. These are aspects that Montessori calls “Practical Life” lessons. When a child has ways that they can be involved in the daily activities (cooking and cleaning), they develop independence and confidence. Here’s how they do practical life lessons in a Montessori school.
Here are some ways we have found we can get our 1-year old safely involved in the kitchen.
1. 
Purchase a learning tower. They are a bit pricey, but you will use it for years. Also, to us it is worth a million dollars for how happy it makes our son as he is able to more easily help out in the kitchen. You can set it anywhere and adjust the height so your child is easily (and safely) able to reach the table or counter.
2. Get out the salad spinner! Our son has loved “helping” make salad since he was 10 months old. He pushes the button for the salad (which helps him build important hand muscles that will be needed for writing and drawing), and he takes the lid off on his own. He also loves to tear the lettuce into small pieces and put them in a bowl I set next to him. The trick is to have his hands washed and a very clean floor under his work area. 🙂 That way if/when he drops pieces, they can easily be picked up and used.
3. Look for opportunities for them to help stir. Our Chunky 
Monkey loves to help stir, and it’s an activity that enhances his arm coordination. We stand close-by, but encourage him to be as independent as possible. His smile is usually about the size of a slice of watermelon, as he feels so proud to be helping. *As a side note: I believe in the Positive Discipline principle that children thrive when they have a sense of significance and belonging. Learn why we need a sense of belonging here.
I’d love to hear other ways you get little hands involved in the kitchen. Please share below.
I am a post-career SAHM (Stay-at-home mom), living in Bozeman Montana. I share stories and ideas from parenting with a Montessori and Positive Discipline inspired perspective. Also, I LOVE DIY projects and finding great ways to use thrift store or hand-made toys for my little ones.
Learn more about why I say I'm "Just" a stay-at-home mom.