Last month I had a 3-part Parenting Workshop series on Positive Discipline. I LOVE the tools of Positive Discipline and encourage parents everywhere to check out their resources. Click here to visit Positive Discipline You can check out their books here. 
Here is a quick tip to be less frustrated/angry when you follow-through.
Have you heard of this new movement called “Slow Parenting”. I was first introduced to the idea a month ago when a mom wrote an article on opting for a “Slow Parenting” summer. The idea was intriguing. The main concept is to slow down in this very busy planned world we all live in. It’s an opposition to overscheduling and overstressing a child with too many “enrichment” classes/activities.
Just 2 weeks ago, the Boston Globe posted an article about slow parenting, and it sums up this counter-cultural approach so well:
“I encourage parents to take some time to just watch their children, whether they are playing, doing homework, or eating a snack,” [John Duffy, a clinical psychologist and author of The Available Parent] says. “Take a moment to drink them in. Remember and remind yourself how remarkable your children are. That pause alone, even if momentary, can drive a shift in the pace”…
“These days when everyone is so busy, we need to be intentional about making space for family time…” Family time, says Contey [cofounder of Slow Family Living] is different for all of us. “You might say, ‘we’re all here on Thursday mornings, so let’s make a leisurely pancake breakfast’; or one night a week take a walk in the dark before bed. Something like that can feel really special and the kids will remember it as they get older”…
So, I focused on this idea yesterday and slow parenting was fantastic!
We went to 1 outing in the morning for 1/2 an hour and besides that we just went at Chunky Monkey’s pace, enjoying things big and small around our house. He played with some “typical” play things, like play dough and finger paint. But the best part was probably when he was just exploring our house without any agenda (and I was along for the ride!).
He sat on the stairs for a really long time, practicing turning around and moving up and down. I was right there for safety, but normally I would have missed all of this because I just want him to go up or down and get where we are going. He wandered in and out of our closet, bringing out various pairs of mom/dad’s shoes for me to “put on” him (I use that term loosely). And he went in small areas of the room to “hide” from me and giggled hysterically each time I found him. I hung on every giggle wishing I could somehow mentally record the sound and never forget it.
It was SO much fun! I found myself really actually present with him. And I realized there are many moments in a day where I am just trying to have him be busy so I can talk to a friend, on a play date.
I also enjoyed the opportunity to fully take in the little man he is becoming. I really got to observe how his large motor coordination is developing and marveled at the things his eyes and hands were eager to explore.
If you take a day, or a season, to really focus on slow parenting, I’d love to hear about it.:-) Looking for other summer ideas? Check out this article on 4 Reasons to Garden With Your Young Children.
Friends in Bozeman, I would love to see you at my FREE Positive Discipline workshop series, starting next Thur, 9-10am. All the details are below.
The best part: FREE childcare is available!
You are welcome to come to just 1 or all 3!
Be sure to RSVP via the Bozeman Public Library: 582-2404. Please “share” this for others to know about too. Thanks!
Positive Discipline Online Parenting Class
I absolutely love Positive Discipline! Click here to visit Positive Discipline. If you haven’t checked out any of their books or website – do it now! They have the best advice (in my opinion) for how to help behaviors in a way that is kind AND firm at the same time.
Positive Discipline Tool Card about Validating Feelings
Today, I want to share some ideas on how to help a 1-year-old when they are starting to cry or scream about something they don’t like (using Positive Discipline’s “Validate Feelings” tool card. I don’t know about your child, but mine cries often over very small things. If he could talk, he would likely be saying things like, “I don’t want to sit there”, “I hate putting my coat on”, “I don’t want to get in the car”, “I’m not sitting in this high chair”!
Since he can’t talk, he screams or cries. Recently I read something that totally helped me understand this better. Crying is most of the time a form of communication for children 1-2 years old. It doesn’t mean you have to stop what you are asking them to do (unless it’s a cry about physical pain), or give in to their plea for a cookie, etc . Just try to translate what the cry really means into words. So, if he is crying, I stop myself from responding “don’t cry about this,”, because that would be like saying, “Stop telling me you are frustrated with this.”
Instead, seek to hear their cry as a way to communicate frustration and then respond accordingly with empathy and firmness:
“Oh boy. You are frustrated that we are getting shoes on right now. You do not like putting shoes on. I hear that (while child is crying screaming). It’ ok to be frustrated. Take a minute to just be frustrated about that. I’m here. I’ll give you a hug. I don’t like doing things sometimes too.” Meanwhile, I pause the putting-on-shoes process to just connect with a hug, cuddle and soft voice, hoping my calmness can wear off on my child. Usually this works to calm his cries screams within 1-2minutes.
In a moment of screaming 1-2 minutes can feel like FOREVER, but it’s really worth the wait. It’s not that long at all when you think of the lifelong benefit you are giving your child, helping him to feel their feelings are valid and helping them understand and manage their emotions.
Empathy has the power to really take the sting out of most difficult situations. It doesn’t make it perfect. The child isn’t going to smile and say, “Ok. I am completely happy now about getting my shoes on”. BUT, they are more likely to be able to move past the emotion to a level of calmness where you can distract them with something else to focus on and move forward. Once that initial flare-up has died down, I then say something like, “Here. Could you hold my keys and be a helper?” (while then putting the shoes on).
Hope you see great results!
**Disclaimer: Remember, this is not a 1-time fix. This is a tool to use over and over again throughout the tantrums years for better results towards helping your child understand and manage their emotions. Expect to repeat these steps 5-20+ times a day (depending on the day!);-) Would love to help you trouble-shoot if you aren’t seeing it help your 1-year-old’s tantrums.
I am a post-career SAHM (Stay-at-home mom), living in Bozeman Montana. I share stories and ideas from parenting with a Montessori and Positive Discipline inspired perspective. Also, I LOVE DIY projects and finding great ways to use thrift store or hand-made toys for my little ones.
Learn more about why I say I'm "Just" a stay-at-home mom.